Updated: Aug 11, 2020
It's so strange but sometimes everything just feels like all the stars are aligned and it's now or never!
I've been working for more than 10 years with producing music and never really had the desire, or I guess never had the guts to produce, write and sing my music. I always knew that I wanted to work with music but I felt like I want to be the women behind the scenes, producing someone else or producing music for films. I honestly can't say what has changed but suddenly it just feels right to sing and write my own music. From one day to the other I felt brave enough to share my music with the world and to share the artist version of myself as a musician that developed behind the scenes during the last decade.
I think it somehow sunk in that I actually work with music for more than 10 years now, that I went to propper music school, and that I know what I'm doing (most of the time)... You know I met so many people that tell me they make music, produce, rap, sing etc. and they talk about it so comfortably and with so much self-esteem like they are the best at what they're doing - Don't get me wrong, I do respect that and wish I would be the same - but most of them, when I listened to their music or productions they actually weren't that good. Most were ok-ish, some bad, a few actually good, but those artists talked about themselves like they are the best ones on the market - so why can't I do that?
It's kind of funny because I think of myself as a quite secure person, however, as soon as it is about music or things that I really want, and love in life, my self-esteem just disappears into thin air and the only thought on my mind is that I'm not good enough just yet - one more year, you know?
So, I guess what happened now was that I realized I am actually producing music for 12 years, so what am waiting for? Also, what contributed is the whole Covid19 situation. I work quite a lot in my day job and usually come home after 12 hours out of the house, fix the daily chores when I come home, somehow manage to shower, produce an hour of music and then sleep 6 hours and everything starts again. On the weekends I try catching up on sleep, meeting a few friends every once in a while and the remaining time I try studying or working on music. I still work a lot in my day job, but now because of Covid19, it's home-office until further notice which means I don't have to deal with office drama that follows me throughout the day and occupies my mind, and I have some extra time since I skip commuting and getting ready. So strange, but this minor detail under these bad circumstances - the detail being: having more time - and especially time to think - gave me the headspace and courage to finally work my own EP - Finding my voice.